Your dread. Our maple.
Commission a monolithic cutting board engraved with your own dry wit. We apply uncompromising Scandinavian precision to your darkest thoughts.
Strict typographic rules.
We reject decorative flourishes. Every custom commission is set in our signature brutalist sans-serif, ensuring your cynicism remains premium.
Uncompromising layout
Our design system enforces absolute alignment. We restrict character counts and line breaks to preserve the stark, gallery-grade aesthetic of your centerpiece.
Material precision
Each board is milled from solid, hand-selected hard maple. No rustic textures, no warm tones—just cold, monolithic utility.
Commission yours
Submit your custom text. Our design team will review the layout to ensure it meets our strict typographic standards before production.
Direct answers.
What is the character limit?
Can I choose the font?
How do I care for it?
We cap engravings at 60 characters across three lines. This preserves the stark typographic balance of the board.
No. We use one brutalist sans-serif. We do not offer script, serif, or decorative fonts under any circumstances.
Hand wash only. Avoid warm water, oils, or family memories. Store upright to maintain its monolithic presence.